Truth is truth, and truth is never as kind as we want it to be. So here it is: I am evil to others as I am evil to myself. If I wish to be kind to myself, should I also be kind to others?
I searched the net for “to be kind to yourself”, hoping to understand what it really means. All I really found was a definition of kindness (as the quality or state of being warm-hearted, considerate, humane and sympathetic) and endless lists of what to dos to be kind to yourself. Mostly, these proposed actions are actually on “loving yourself” and its logic is always on loving yourself so you can love others.
How spiritual.
I needed to find something more selfish- no others, just my SELF.
While it is so true that satisfying others is a means to satisfy oneself, I firmly believe that most people are just too shy to admit to being interested only in the self and not to others; that real happiness is about the self and not anyone else. So when I say I decided to be kind to myself, I mean ME and no one else.
I decided to be kind to myself.
As I put together the different lists, I found myself marking everything- check. Problem is the lists were about loving oneself. And of course, I love myself (I don’t need a checklist to know this).
So what do I mean by being kind to myself? I mean this: that I want to live for the moment. I want to assure myself that I have been good, I have done well, and I can trust that regardless of the downs my life will pick up as it should.
I don’t need to be scared of what will and what will not happen in a future I do not see. I don’t have to be struggling for a past I cannot change. I don’t need to be angry at anyone who cannot see what I can, or to someone who can see what I cannot.
I searched the net for “to be kind to yourself”, hoping to understand what it really means. All I really found was a definition of kindness (as the quality or state of being warm-hearted, considerate, humane and sympathetic) and endless lists of what to dos to be kind to yourself. Mostly, these proposed actions are actually on “loving yourself” and its logic is always on loving yourself so you can love others.
How spiritual.
I needed to find something more selfish- no others, just my SELF.
While it is so true that satisfying others is a means to satisfy oneself, I firmly believe that most people are just too shy to admit to being interested only in the self and not to others; that real happiness is about the self and not anyone else. So when I say I decided to be kind to myself, I mean ME and no one else.
I decided to be kind to myself.
As I put together the different lists, I found myself marking everything- check. Problem is the lists were about loving oneself. And of course, I love myself (I don’t need a checklist to know this).
So what do I mean by being kind to myself? I mean this: that I want to live for the moment. I want to assure myself that I have been good, I have done well, and I can trust that regardless of the downs my life will pick up as it should.
I don’t need to be scared of what will and what will not happen in a future I do not see. I don’t have to be struggling for a past I cannot change. I don’t need to be angry at anyone who cannot see what I can, or to someone who can see what I cannot.
I’m leaving graduate school for now. I’m saying no to side jobs for now. I’m taking out some books I’ve always wanted to read, some films I’ve always wanted to see, some crafts I’ve put away for years. I want to work, play, and rest... like I deserve.
Until I decide to kill my self again.
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